It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
