every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
