He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
