I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
