Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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