honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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