So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
