I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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