WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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