my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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