They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
