God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
