Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.