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I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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