I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
