I accidentally burped into my bong.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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