Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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