I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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