I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
