The maid of honor just puked.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
