He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
