i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am available for nakedness
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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