i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
