Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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