You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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