i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
