Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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