Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
