So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
