My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize