i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
