Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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