I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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