also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
