ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
