THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
