Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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