She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
