last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
