you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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