i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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