Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
