So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
