Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
