I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
