I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
