Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
