i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
