I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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