i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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