thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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