next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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