I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
