I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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