we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
