I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am one with the molecules
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
