oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
