Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
