I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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