Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
