We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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