Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
