I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
