How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
