you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
