I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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