You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
