dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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