just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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