five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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