Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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