i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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