i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
