it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize