Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't notice because vodka
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
