he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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