Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
