I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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