She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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