Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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