I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
