We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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