He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
