he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
