I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
